


Bucky

by 0fficiallyLeah



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky's thoughts, Implied Relationship, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, can be read either way, friends - Freeform, inner monologue, or more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 08:52:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3644196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0fficiallyLeah/pseuds/0fficiallyLeah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's thoughts about everything after the end of CA:WS</p><p>------</p><p>"He might not have Barnes' memories, but Steve does. And as long as he was willing to wade out to deeper waters, willing to help him if he said he needed it, Bucky wasn't going anywhere."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> an idea. maybe. hopefully.  
> really unsure.

It was weird. He knew that. He could admit that - it was weird. He was weird. What kind of person doesn't know there own memories. He was twenty-some-odd-years old (and then some) and he didn't know half of the stories being told about him. They have the same face - him and Barnes, and their both ghosts. He likes to tell himself he's numb to everything that's happened, that's potentially going to happen. But the weight on his chest makes it hard to sell. Hard, but not impossible. He's not some fragile lost soul who doesn't know anything. He knows plenty. He knows over two hundred and fifteen ways to kill someone with just a spork. He can pick up a few lousy clues in a social setting. When to laugh, when to appear cocky, when to fidget so you look human - normal. Some people are easy to manipulate. They are so busy trying to see what they want to see that they don't see him trying to keep his head above the water. Some are harder to convince.

After he jumped into the Potomac, after he shook the programming and regained control, he wasn't scared and wounded like some helpless creature (okay he was a little wounded but he set his arm and was fine). He didn't fear Hydra. They had no one to send after him, no one good anyway. Nobody he couldn't take out first. This made it easier on Steve. He didn't have nightmares, he wasn't sorry, it wasn't his fault. (He did find it helpful that Steve agreed, a refreshing change of pace.) He didn't have to count the exits or overcome the feeling of being trapped - two hundred and fifteen with a spork. He can get out of a damn room.

Steve tiptoed around him at first, which was annoying, afraid of triggers and what not. While Steve was treating him like a delicate petal, he took the liberty of trying to make him explode. He hadn't seen Steve really mad since the '30s so it was past due. It took moving all the furniture to the left by half an inch while he was sleeping (including his bed) so Steve was constantly stubbing his toe, erasing the DVR that he didn't actually know how to use and relied on Sam to record the cooking shows for him, and then setting the TV to russian for him to ALMOST snap. The tipping point? He put a spork in the garbage disposal. Once they got past it though, it was easier on both of them. He was able to be himself, even if that wasn't the person Steve remembered. He carried enough of Barnes for the both of them

The 'Avengers' were something else entirely. They had no preconceived ideas on who he was suppose to be, which was nice, but they also were slightly terrified/sympathetic towards his past - except for Natasha on all accounts. They managed to not kill one another for Steve's sake. He wouldn't have to put up with any of the 'Avengers' if Steve hadn't caught him trying to move all the furniture in the tower slightly to the left. At least he knew Jarvis was a snitch now. 

For the most part though he was able to keep everyone believing what he wanted them too - he was happy, well adjusted, and free. Which wasn't untrue it just wasn't the whole picture. More like a tide pool and the ocean. So he and Barnes share a face. They don't share memories, not really. They have the same friend, but even he's different for the before and after. He knows seven languages, nine if you just counting swearing (which he does). He knows how to pull off a head shot from a mile away in a snow storm in Russia. He knows he knew, even full of holes, Steve would sink when he fell. He knows that the reason he stays isn't because of who he used to be, but because of who his best friend was and is. 

He might not have Barnes' memories, but Steve does. And as long as he was willing to wade out to deeper waters, willing to help him if he said he needed it, Bucky wasn't going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> originally i got this idea because i liked picturing Bucky telling Steve he just needed somebody to be in his corner, but then i went with a water theme. so i might've messed it up.


End file.
